Maybe I ate dinner too late or I should have exercised more or had less to do or think about. I have never had trouble sleeping but I do now. All the time. The air is wrong or the bed feels too small. Or there is a mosquito whose wings hum at a frequency only I can hear. Only I am here.
My sleeplessness ranges from that jolt resulting from the expired snooze button--all night long. Or nights like to night. I go to bed out of ceremony but I am wide awake and I stay that way. It is 4:37 in the morning.
I wonder what will happen to me tomorrow. It is my day of no meetings. I have a precise list of everything I have to do. It is long and varied. I have a list of things to worry about but worry can't be scheduled. I command myself to compartmentalize. Sleep now. Worry later. Do later. Then the internal snooze button goes off. Get up.
I read somewhere that if you can't sleep, you should get up. In the compounded silence I notice that my houseboat, which was "characterful" when we bought it, is starting to appear shabby and slipshod. It was so poorly built and I see all its many irreparable flaws. At least getting up shuts off the "what ifs" that live no where in reality. They are churned out in the assembly line of my imagination, which in this horizontal fitful state I cannot control.
My alarm is going to go off in an hour and 13 minutes. I have a headache and I am tired, but not sleepy. I'll sleep tomorrow, which since the last 5 hours, has been Thursday.