Amsterbeth

An Open Letter to My Idiot Coworkers

Dear Colleagues,

I am writing you this letter from my wonderful couch. Oh couch, I love you so much. I want to touch as much of you as possible, but I am too little and you are so big. Pass me the potato chips.  

I have heard that you guys are climbing a mountain to raise money for kids. In discussing this thing you are doing with friends and coworkers, I was surprised to receive so many negative reactions from quite a number of people regarding your efforts. So clearly you must be doing something wrong. I thought what you were doing was cool, in fact, I even donated money to your cause. 

So, I think I will take a look from the other side.

You guys are stupid. So, so stupid.  

You are going to fly to Mount Kilimanjaro, at your own expense, to raise 250,000 euros for War Child.  Why are you paying out of your own pocket for flights, equipment, etc, to go climb a mountain when you could use that same money to donate for your own cause?? Idiots. 

Why are you raising money for children victimized by war in Uganda? There are people in need right in your own neighborhoods in the Netherlands! Morons.  Selfish morons who can't even take care of their own. 

You aren't doing it right. Follow my lead. Here's what *I* am going to do, because I am amazing. I am going to start my own fundraiser! And I am going to donate to my own fundraiser to achieve my own goals!

I am going to get a pedicure and donate. 

I am going to go to the grocery store and donate.

I am going to go to the end of my street and pick up my mail and donate. 

I am going to go on vacation for a good cause!

I need more potato chips. Must...reach...across...coffee table...Whew!! Mission accomplished! Time to donate! 

See, by doing everyday, ordinary things, I am going to raise money and RAISE AWARENESS for my cause.  And I am going to be just as effective as you guys, who are doing a once-in-a-lifetime, scary thing, that will be uncomfortable, challenging, difficult, and amazing.  Right? Right. Hm. Um....

Hm......

Ok, well, I know! You guys are *still* so clueless because you are focusing your efforts on children in Africa when there are many people in need right in your back yard!  See, just like Uganda, the Netherlands is also saturated with war, illegal militia, and thousands of children in the Netherlands are recruited or captured to be sex workers and child soldiers. If there is one thing I know for sure, the Netherlands, and all Western countries are very, very poor, suffer the same unbearable burden in Uganda of overwhelming numbers of children who have lost their parents to AIDS and are extremely vulnerable.  So much in common!

But most importantly, I CAN'T DO TWO THINGS AT ONCE, PEOPLE!! If I donate and support your cause, there is just no way I could support any other cause, ever.  

Also, I hate being a hypocrite. If I can't be 100% perfect and 100% altruistic at all times then I am just not going to do anything.  This is why I am not a vegetarian, because I love leather. I mean, I really, really love it. 

And another thing is that I just hate is feeling good about myself. I don't like to support others, to root them on, to encourage then and join them in an effort to do something extraordinary. It really sucks when that happens.  

Ok, I get it now. I understand why people criticize what you are doing. Their arguments are perfectly...logical. 

If anyone reading this would like to join my 50 colleagues, the jerks,  in their misguided goal raise 250,000 euros for children in Uganda victimized by violent conflict, you can do so, I as I have done, in two ways.

International payments go here:

http://www.kiliexplorer.nl/

Credit card payments go here.

http://app.owjo.com/share/owjo/aSjgSHNg0Q?curr=EUR&from=default&to=facebook

Like the facebook page and you will receive a Kiligift in you facebook feed every day. It's the best something-for-nothing. It's the Kili Climber way of paying you for your attention. 

https://www.facebook.com/KiliExplorerForWarChild

And, tell ya what *I* am  gonna do. For every person who donates  50 euros to this  cause, I will visit my favorite pedicurist and have one of my toes professionally painted in the color of your choice, even if I don't like the color.  Because I am all about the sacrifice.

The Dawn of My Gullibility

There is a show on the BBC right now about popular culture in 1972.  They showcased the Coke commercial where everyone sang, "I'd like to teach the world to sing..."

One of my earliest memories was hanging out in my favorite haunt, the space under the dining table, when that commercial came on and I saw it for the first time at age 3  and 1/2.  

It was an astounding moment for me, emblazened on my memory-- because I wrote that song. I had composed that song in my head. So imagine my shock, delight, and amazement, discovering the improbable coincidence that someone else had written the exact same song, and there it was right on TV.  

It wasn't until recalling that memory in my older years that I realized I just didn't understand the concept of memorizing a song. 

I am sure that I excitedly brought the song to my parents' attention, eager to discuss with them the profound statistical long shot that had occurred to me on that day. And I am sure they went along with it. 

Let's relive a moment in time, where people wore nightgowns as dayware, and when I was a precocious songwriter.

 

 

Being Neighborly

Cutest thing yesterday, we see our neighbor, Henk, who is so old he is half out of it most of the time, babystepping up our walk. We thought the worst because his wife, Jopie, who is just as old, is quite energetic and social. We were nervous because the steps are slick and Michael has already slipped twice on them, but he is so deaf and dodgy we decided not to interrupt his momentum.

He comes to the door and we open it. He yells (two hearing aids) in slow dutch so we can understand. "Goedemiddag! Ik! heb! lucifers! nodig!"

That's it. That's all he said. "Good afternoon. I need matches."

So we invited him in and  gave him a little fire starter thing--the little propane wand we all use. He was totally confused. "Lucifers," he exclaimed again. And then looked at us like we were both idiots. So we showed him how to use it and gave it to him. Then we tried to warn him about the slippery steps and he gave us the typical dismissive dutch "ja ja ja...." as he shuffled back down the path. 

He came back a few minutes later and said simply "Hartstikke bedankt."

"A hearty thanks." 

 

Why I Unquitted Facebook: KiliExplorer for War Child

I unquitted facebook because I need it to tell you all about something:

In September, 50 of my colleaugues are climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro.  From now until then, they are working to raise 250,000 euros which will help 20,000 children victimized by violent conflict in Uganda.  They are raising this money in support of War Child, an organization established to help children trapped in these circumstances. 

We want to tell our story, the story of War Child, and most importantly, the story of the children we are trying to help. 

I'll be asking for donations later. We'll be adding information soon. But for now, I am asking you to join our story by liking our facebook page and following us on Twitter to grow our base quickly.

 There are lots of ways to help this cause and donating money is just one of them. Other ways are equally valuable, cost nothing but a few seconds, and are equally needed.  

Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/KiliExplorerForWarChild

Twitter: https://twitter.com/#!/KiliExplorerNL

Here's my video, recorded at an ungodly hour this morning, talking about why I care about this, and why I am asking you to care too. https://vimeo.com/39459717

(no way in hell amd I going to embed a video of me at this hour--and is that my butt you can see through my nightgown??  No one should have to see that.)

 

 

 

 

Feeling Hopeless? Helpless? Watch this.

For every 100 million human beings who completely suck, including myself, there is one who doesn't. And guess what! He's a Dutchie.

 

  

Paris at Midnight

I just watched the Woody Allen movie "Paris at Midnight."   One of theme's of the movie is how we romanticize the past because the present is so unfilfulling.  I have not travelled very extensively, but I will claim defiantly that Paris is the most ridiculously beautiful city in the world.  

When people ask my why I moved to Europe, it is exactly this notion that I try to articulate.  In Europe, I can romanticize the past and live in the present at the same time.  I can touch the bricks that were laid hundreds of years ago. These old cities are mega monuments of human artistic, architectural and engineering achievement and history (and failture)  that force you to confront your own mortality. Humans are the only animal on the planet that have a sense of their own history.   To walk and live within the literal constructs of our past...I can't think of anything more ridiculously inspiring than that--which is why living in Europe makes me want to live in no other time but this one.   But that's just me. 

But No Human is Looking at That Information

Last Thursday morning, I watched an interview on the BBC "Breakfast" show where they interviewed an important guy from Google (probably the top guy, I'm too lazy to look it up right now), about gmail and privacy issues.  

The interviewer, morning host Bill Turnbull, commented that it feels like an invasion when the advertisements aligned next to your email are obviously rendering off keywords in your email.

The Google Guy paused, rather stonily, then equally stonily replied, "But no human is looking at that information."   

The interview ended.

I can't find that interview on the web anywhere, and rather suspiciously, according to the Breakfast website, the site was having technical difficulties preventing the replay of Thurday's show (I always love a good conspiracy theory).   

Obviously, the Google Guy totally missed the point.  A human was, of course, looking at that information; the person who owns the gmail account.  His experience was a negative one. The google guy didn't care. We are all asked on a daily basis to get accustomed to these negative experiences in order to get something for free. That is completely INSANE. 

The last time I used my gmail account was about 6 years ago. A friend of mine was going through a divorce, and we were discussing my friend's divorce through email.   The advertising shown in my emails was pushing divorce lawyers and quicky divorces in Las Vegas.  I was not the one getting the divorce and even if I was, I'd imagine the impact would have been even more emotionally damaging.  I never used my gmail account again. 

We have an opportunity  not go in this direction.  We have an opportunity to combine relevance with a meaningful and positive experience.  How about we do that instead. 

In the beginning, when web-based email and IM were becoming commonplace, I think most of us were willing to "pay" for this "free" service by having advertising thrown at us.   It was easy to understand that servers needed to be kept going and salaries needed to be paid in order for us to get this free stuff. 

But now, the benefit to the service provider far outweighs the benefit of the user. They are taking more and more from us in order to offer us the same thing.   It's incredibly unbalanced. 

In the olden days of yore, when I worked at Amazon.com in the late 90s in the customer service department, Jeff Bezos, the CEO, would have meetings with our small group at regular intervals.  Spam was just seeping in to the technology lexicon and we'd have heated debates over whether or not our communications to our customers were spam. We really cared about the customer experience to the point of almost worshipping it.    Jeff's message was to relax and not to be paranoid. He said, "There are so many better ways to make money than to spam customers."

I'll never forget that.  You can debate whether Amazon spams its customers now.  But the point he made back then was one of integrity.   How to make integrity profitable enough is something that should be intensely prioritized. 

2011 Year End Wrap Up: New Vs. True

This year: 

I quit my facebook habit.  In doing so I realized how very precarious the whole social media thread is.  To get it all crashing down, all that has to happen is that everyone simply stop.  I simply stopped. It was really easy.   I don't miss it. It added nothing to my life. In fact, it took away from my life.  I fantasize about everyone in the whole world deciding just to stop. What a fantastically unifying experience that would be. Everyone together just decides to stop.   If everyone stops, there's nothing to compulsively check or respond to.  

All we hear today is how critical "social media strategy" is. But how amazing would it be just for everyone to stop using social media. I predict this will happen in one form or another. No one is doing a good job yet of targeting communications through social.  I still think there is great value in the inbox and that, instead of trying to replace it with social (NEW) , some smart person is going to figure out how to make the inbox better (TRUE). 

I spent more time looking up and out (TRUE) and less time looking down and in (NEW). I will continue to do so.

I moved to a houseboat and surrounded myself  with pure silence, which I crave more and more desperately as my noise sensitivity seems to only increase. (TRUE)

I refurnished my old house and rented it out.  Michael did all the work. (NEW) 

I spent a lot of time reading, watching, and thinking about ballet.   I made a fool of myself by letting nostalgia get the better of me and I dug out an old pair of pointe shoes and put them on. Back in the day, it was second nature to support my dragonfly physique on the tips of my toes. Doing a simple releve today felt like trying to support a concrete house on a foundation of potato chips (NEW). What a terribly unpleasant wake up call.  (TRUE)

I witnessed a lot of friends and colleagues having babies. 

I witnessed a lot of friends and colleagues losing a parent (NEW). I realized this is no longer a freak occurrence and that it will continue to happen every year for the rest of my life.  (TRUE)

I became obsessed with Seth Godin's blog and I read it every single day. The man is a genius and I feel like he is talking directly to me.   (TRUE)

I was profoundly struck by two little sound bytes: Louis CK's hilarious  routine on a late night talk show where he said "Everything is amazing and no one is happy." (NEW)  Also, a factoid on Stephen Fry's "QI" informed us that the the eruption of the Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajokull  resulted in 150,000 tons of CO2 emitted every day it was spewing. However, as a result of the grounding of airplanes, it prevented the further emission of 2.8 million tons of CO2 that would have been emitted by the planes through the course of regular scheduled flights.  So net, the amount of CO2 emitted into the atmosphere as a result of the eruption was actually reduced.  (TRUE)

As I get older, my resentment and disappointment toward humanity increases (NEW). But in my personal life, I am filled with optimism.   I had mentioned I think in last year's wrap up that we "go through this together."  I feel that even more strongly than ever (TRUE).

I am 42 now which means that I have lived one half of my life as a child and one half as an adult. I won't even be retired yet when I live the next 20 years as an adult. I feel as though I have just been born into my potential as an individual, a friend, a productive and creative person.   I spent most of the last two years feeling like the end of my life was going to be one big contiuum of adulthood.  Decades and Decades of sameness.   

Well of course that is just silly.  Now is the time when we really get to call the shots more than ever before. My optimism comes from a sense of responsibility.  I am in a position to make changes for the good and so are a lot of people my age. To take the risk and know that if it fails it won't be catastrophic.  People said "yes" to me this year and I said "yes" to others.   This is incredibly energizing and we should all say yes to each other more often. 

I wish you a fantastic 2012 (NEW). Let's say YES to each other’s dreams (TRUE). 

 

Comfort Zone

"It's important to push you out of your comfort zone."

People use this buzzword as a convenient way of staying in  their own comfort zone by arbitrarily giving you a new "challenge" that is in some way a divergence from your neatly packaged skill set.  

That's easy to do. "You are good at this. Now go do something else. Start over. Expand. "   Newness for the sake of newness is almost always invigorating. But newness is temporary.  It's not enough standing on its own.  Personal growth achieved by tackling something new is only incremental. 

To me, the comfort zone is a place where you execute within your skill set in an environment or assignment devoid of passion or commitment.  

I have never stayed in my comfort zone for more than 5 minutes. I don't need to be pushed out of it. As soon as I find myself there, it is instant intellectual death in the form of boredom. Call it a character weakness or lack of discipline, but to me there is nothing that brings on the onslaught of productivity paralysis faster than boredom.  

Work must be meaningful. We ask each other "What do you do for  a living?"  not "What do you do for a working?"  If you answer that question with pride and energy, your work is meaningful to you. If you answer it with trepidation, embarrassment , dread, excuses, or apologies, well, you're probably sitting square in the middle of your comfort zone.  What could be more uncomfortable?

Our skillsets should be compiled. If your expertise results in the death of passion, it is your responsibility to answer the "what next?" question yourself.  This requires digging, getting muddy. It requires bravery. We need each others bravery. Your competence and skill set and the soft skills you learned along the way become sort of a metaphor that is transferable to something else-the next thing.   And I bet for most people, the digging reveals the core of who we are--we get to know ourselves in these moments. If we can accept ourselves as who we are, I think that is really empowering: "This is who I am. This is what I have to offer. Bring it on." 

The ideal career path is one where competence is equalled or, better yet, surpassed by passion, commitment, desire, drive, and vision.  And these are things that can't be well explained on a resume or CV. These attributes are not tangible, cannot be measured or quantified. The ROI cannot be immediately measured.  But where would we be without these attributes? They must be cultivated and accommodated--not recklessly, but harnessed toward making a vision come to life. 

It is here where those who push us out of our comfort zone must experience an equal and opposite reaction where necessary.   And if you are being pushed toward newness, envision yourself where you are going to end up when the newness fades. It is a flicker of  incremental growth that flames out as soon as a task or commitment is checked off a list? Or is it the spark that launches a rocket?  Mission accomplished? Or Mission? 

The comfort zone is  the wrong way of looking at things. One must be encouraged  not to leave the comfort zone, but to stay in the passion zone. 

Steve Jobs Didn't Change the World, He Changed Your World

I've been thinking about this since the announcement of his passing and it really bothers me. Steve Jobs didn't change the world. He, and his wonderful i-Stuff offered convenience, beauty, access, and inspiration to the 0.0000000001% of the wealthiest people in the world who could afford to buy his products. I doubt there is a single person reading this post who doesn't fall into that category.

This thought makes me feel slightly like one of those overly earnest parade rainer people. But the outpouring over his death makes me wonder: what do you really have to do to really truly change the world? How many people do you have to affect, or is it enough to affect the elite or the wealthy who get to make all the rules anyway?

I like to think that there are other organizations who are doing more, could do more, have greater, more meaningful impact that doesn't dissipate as soon as the next version of whatever they are doing comes to market.

It makes me feel better to put my emotional investment behind organizations like War Child, the Gates Foundation or Worldreader.org. These organizations are changing the world in a way that you personally won't ever feel in the same way that holding that new shiny thing in your hand makes you feel--unless you get involved. They are changing the world in a way that we all need--not want, but need--more than ever. And if you haven't had the chance to experience the kind of happiness buying an e-reader for an impoverished child can give you, I highly recommend you give it a try, and you can do this through any device you want.

Anyway, I think Steve Jobs' greatest legacy won't be his inventions, but his words. We can aspire for more.