Dear Colleagues,
I am writing you this letter from my wonderful couch. Oh couch, I love you so much. I want to touch as much of you as possible, but I am too little and you are so big. Pass me the potato chips.
I have heard that you guys are climbing a mountain to raise money for kids. In discussing this thing you are doing with friends and coworkers, I was surprised to receive so many negative reactions from quite a number of people regarding your efforts. So clearly you must be doing something wrong. I thought what you were doing was cool, in fact, I even donated money to your cause.
So, I think I will take a look from the other side.
You guys are stupid. So, so stupid.
You are going to fly to Mount Kilimanjaro, at your own expense, to raise 250,000 euros for War Child. Why are you paying out of your own pocket for flights, equipment, etc, to go climb a mountain when you could use that same money to donate for your own cause?? Idiots.
Why are you raising money for children victimized by war in Uganda? There are people in need right in your own neighborhoods in the Netherlands! Morons. Selfish morons who can't even take care of their own.
You aren't doing it right. Follow my lead. Here's what *I* am going to do, because I am amazing. I am going to start my own fundraiser! And I am going to donate to my own fundraiser to achieve my own goals!
I am going to get a pedicure and donate.
I am going to go to the grocery store and donate.
I am going to go to the end of my street and pick up my mail and donate.
I am going to go on vacation for a good cause!
I need more potato chips. Must...reach...across...coffee table...Whew!! Mission accomplished! Time to donate!
See, by doing everyday, ordinary things, I am going to raise money and RAISE AWARENESS for my cause. And I am going to be just as effective as you guys, who are doing a once-in-a-lifetime, scary thing, that will be uncomfortable, challenging, difficult, and amazing. Right? Right. Hm. Um....
Hm......
Ok, well, I know! You guys are *still* so clueless because you are focusing your efforts on children in Africa when there are many people in need right in your back yard! See, just like Uganda, the Netherlands is also saturated with war, illegal militia, and thousands of children in the Netherlands are recruited or captured to be sex workers and child soldiers. If there is one thing I know for sure, the Netherlands, and all Western countries are very, very poor, suffer the same unbearable burden in Uganda of overwhelming numbers of children who have lost their parents to AIDS and are extremely vulnerable. So much in common!
But most importantly, I CAN'T DO TWO THINGS AT ONCE, PEOPLE!! If I donate and support your cause, there is just no way I could support any other cause, ever.
Also, I hate being a hypocrite. If I can't be 100% perfect and 100% altruistic at all times then I am just not going to do anything. This is why I am not a vegetarian, because I love leather. I mean, I really, really love it.
And another thing is that I just hate is feeling good about myself. I don't like to support others, to root them on, to encourage then and join them in an effort to do something extraordinary. It really sucks when that happens.
Ok, I get it now. I understand why people criticize what you are doing. Their arguments are perfectly...logical.
If anyone reading this would like to join my 50 colleagues, the jerks, in their misguided goal raise 250,000 euros for children in Uganda victimized by violent conflict, you can do so, I as I have done, in two ways.
International payments go here:
Credit card payments go here.
http://app.owjo.com/share/owjo/aSjgSHNg0Q?curr=EUR&from=default&to=facebook
Like the facebook page and you will receive a Kiligift in you facebook feed every day. It's the best something-for-nothing. It's the Kili Climber way of paying you for your attention.
https://www.facebook.com/KiliExplorerForWarChild
And, tell ya what *I* am gonna do. For every person who donates 50 euros to this cause, I will visit my favorite pedicurist and have one of my toes professionally painted in the color of your choice, even if I don't like the color. Because I am all about the sacrifice.

